Happy, Holy, Holidays

I remember as a child getting really excited about how many cool things I was going to get for Christmas and how happy I was going to be when I got them. Then on after all the presents were opened, I felt disappointed because I didn’t get everything I wanted and what I did get failed to fill the void that I expected them to fill. There was something missing from the way that my family celebrated the Holidays, but it wasn’t until I was an adult myself that I figured out that it wasn’t better presents.

As adults the Holidays tend to be a frenzy of cooking, cleaning, buying, and wrapping all on top of our normal busy lives. We feel tired, stressed out, and confused and when it is all over we are left feeling empty and disappointed. Are we insane? Why do we keep doing this stuff if it makes us miserable? Isn’t this supposed to be fun?

The problem is that instead of making our Holidays special to us personally, most of us try to fit into a cookie cutter concept of what the Holidays are supposed to be. We allow advertising and media to tell us how to celebrate. And we keep doing the same things year after year whether we enjoy them or not.

Most of the holidays today seem to be focused on stuff. Getting it, giving it, wrapping it, buying it, and throwing it away. If I’m honest I’ll admit that as much as I like some of my stuff, it really doesn’t make my memories. And it seems to me that this focus on stuff is ruining my holidays.

I want to offer my daughter a more fulfilling experience of the holidays than I experienced as a child but I don’t want to exhaust myself doing it. This has led my family to do some serious considering and negotiating to create holidays that are meaningful to us on a personal level, yet fit the comfort level of all those involved.

The first step to making changes to your holiday routine is to sit down with yourself and try to figure out what kind of meaning you are trying to bring to your holidays. Get a pen and a piece of paper and do a short free-write on what the holidays mean to you. Set the timer for five or ten minutes and for the duration write whatever comes to mind. Don’t censor or think too much, just keep it moving. When you’re done go through and pick out the things you like about your holidays and want to keep and the things you dislike and want to change. Decide on some changes that you want to make and some new rituals that you want to start, using this article as a guide if you want or coming up with your own ideas.

Next, you may want to call a family meeting. This might include just your immediate family or it could include your extended network including your community of friends. Talk about past holidays and ask what people remember about them, both the positives and the negatives. Explain your feelings and ideas and ask for feedback and for ideas. Chances are, your family will have their own strong feelings about the holidays and how to make them more special. You may be surprised at what you find out.

As you plan your holidays, try to remain open to making mistakes and improvising. Don’t get tied down to one concept regardless of whether or not it works for you. Chances are you will want to keep refining things every year as your needs and priorities change. Some families might be more resistant to change than others so you may need to start slowly changing just one tradition per year.

Presents
Ah, the holiday shopping. For many people this is the most stressful aspect of the holidays. Of course you may be that rare person who LOVES figuring out what to get for each and every person on your list and if that’s the case, can I get on it? But if you hate it or feel like you are spending more than you can afford or giving lame things just because you have to, this might be an ideal place to start reforming your holiday habits.

• Set a budget or guidelines for gifts.
  This could range from a specific monetary number, to giving only used items, to making your gifts or providing each other with services. Don’t think of your guidelines as limitations, think of it as an exercise in creativity.
  
  
• Pare down your list.
  You don’t have to buy presents for everyone you know. Even among families, there are creative ways of minimizing the sheer volume of presents required. Everyone in the family can go in on one really nice gift for each person (so for example Mom, siblings, grand-ma and friends all pitch in to buy that cordless drill that Dad really wants, but nobody could afford on their own). Or have a Secret Santa where you draw a name out of a hat and that is the only person to whom you will give gifts.
  
  
• Simplify.
  Find one cool all-around present to give to everyone (gift cards, magazine subscriptions, homemade cookies, movie passes etc).
  

• Recycle.
  Recycle your wrapping paper and boxes. One crafty mother I know bought plain canvas bags to wrap presents in and decorated them with her kids. Now every year she has hassle-free wrapping, quick clean-up, and no waste!
  
  

Christmas Tree
For some people the Christmas tree is a time-honored tradition that cannot imagine the holidays without. Ideally though, do we really need to kill a tree to celebrate?

• Substitute.
  For several years, we used a potted palm tree as our Christmas tree. We hung decorations on the fronds and surrounded it with presents. You could hardly tell the difference.
  
  
• Borrow from other traditions.
  Just because you’re not Jewish doesn’t mean you can’t have a menorah. The Yule Log is another sustainable tradition that can be used instead of a tree. Find a nice looking log, decorate it with pine, ribbons, and candles and arrange your gifts artfully around it. Research what the tradition means to its original people and substitute your own meanings if necessary.
  
  
• Plant
  Some people buy a potted tree and plant it after Christmas. If you decide to go this route, make sure to buy a healthy tree from a nursery rather than one with burlap wrapped roots from a roadside stand since these don’t have much chance for survival. If you plan to plant a tree, you cannot keep it inside for very long and must acclimate it to the outside slowly. If all this sounds like too much work to you (it does to me!), then consider one of the other options.
  
  
• Go Organic.
  Conventionally grown Christmas trees use a lot of pesticides. If your tree tradition means that much to you, show it respect by purchasing an organic Christmas tree.
  
  

Company
Sometimes being with family is the most stressful part of the Holidays. Some families get along great, but for others the stress of the Holidays makes tempers flare. If you know that you will have at least one fight occur in every holiday situation, you may want to consider limiting company during the Holidays. Obviously all of these options must be carefully considered and tactfully explained to avoid hurting feelings, but sometimes you just have to take that risk in order to take care of yourself.

• Stay Home.
  If you usually travel during the Holidays and have come to dread it, stay home. Explain that you will come and visit at a time that is not so hectic when you can have more one-on-one time with your hosts.
  
  
• Set Limits
  Limit the number of Guests you invite into your home. If the celebration is always at your house, ask someone else to host.
  
  
• Go away.
  Escape the Holidays altogether by dropping the kids off with the grandparents and having a couple of days as a couple at a romantic Inn somewhere eschewing the family chaos for a year.
  
  

Food
For our family, food is probably the most important aspect of our Holiday celebrations. We really enjoy the preparation and serving of gourmet meals. But we also like to take it easy sometimes and just relax. Here are a few suggestions for simplifying Holiday meals.

• Potluck.
  Next time the celebration is at your place announce that it’s a potluck and you will provide drinks. Organize who brings what or leave it to chance—either way you’ll finally have time to get your house cleaned before company comes
  
  
• Keep it small.
  For Christmas Eve at my Mom’s house we all cook one appetizer and make a meal out of it. It’s fun and not too much work for any one person.
  
  
• Leftovers.
  Cook plenty of food the day before a Holiday and then just reheat and serve. More time to relax and enjoy the rest of the day.
  
  
• Simple Luxury.
  At our house, Christmas and New Year’s morning consist of bagels, lox, cream cheese, capers, coffee and oj. Hardly any work to set up or clean up, yet it feels luxurious and leaves plenty of room for a hearty dinner. Make sure to buy your bagels early on Christmas eve, bagel places tend to run out early and then close (as I learned the hard way!). Hmmm…we must not be the only family with this tradition.
  
  

Religion/Ritual
Some people have strong religious convictions that dictate exactly what they do on the holidays. Many of us however do what we grew up doing, whether or not we still believe in the philosophy behind the traditions. If this nourishes you, by all means keep going. But if your traditions leave you feeling empty or incomplete, you may want to examine your beliefs and tailor your rituals to follow.

• Ancient Traditions.
  Explore your roots and give traditional rituals a try. Call your grandparents and ask them what they did for holidays when they were young. Attend church or synagogue or any other religious gathering.
  
  
• Melting Pot.
  If you are unsure and searching for answers try asking people of different religions what they do to celebrate and cobble together your traditions by what interests you. Attend a different religious service each year. Ask each member of your family to come up with one simple ritual to try out.
  
  
• Strictly Secular.
  If the religious aspects of the holidays just don’t appeal to you, don’t force yourself to do them. Focus on the aspects of the holidays that you actually enjoy such as feasting and gift giving. A hike in the woods on Christmas day is a tradition that many would consider secular, but to my family it is not only spiritual, but also healthy and fun.
  
  
• Service.
  Teach your children the value of giving by spending your holidays in service to others. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Help your children go through their toys to pick out some to give away. Many people find giving much more rewarding than receiving at this time of year.

Above all, remember that any change you make to the way your family celebrates this season of the return of the light is supposed to make is less stressful. So listen to your intuition. If any of these sound good in theory, but thinking about them makes you feel slightly anxious, this may not be the year to try that particular idea.

I am interested in hearing about how you celebrate. What traditions nourish and fulfill you? How do you keep things simple? Let me know by posting a comment below.

Yoga on a Budget

Everyone I know seems to be affected in one way or another by the current recession. People are getting laid off, business is slow, and people are stressed. It is easy to become overwhelmed by fear and distracted from your path.

Remember that you get more of what you focus on, so instead of staying in the fear, get moving and come to yoga.

Don't make the mistake of cutting yoga out of your life because you are afraid you cannot afford it! Yoga has the reputation of being expensive and only accessible to the rich, but there are many low cost ways to learn.

During trying times, the practice of tapas (discipline) is more important than ever. Here are some low-cost ways to get you back on your mat, day after day.

Work-Trade

All the local yoga studios offer some sort of work trade. You help check people into class, clean the studio, or hang fliers around town and in exchange you get free yoga classes. This is a great option for those who are self-employed and are dealing with a slow down in business. Use your extra time constructively! Contact individual studios for openings and details.

Community classes/sliding scale

Many of the studios in town offer specially priced classes or sliding scale classes where you pay according to your ability.

Asheville Yoga Center offers $6 and $7 classes as an offering to the community, including two of my classes there: Gentle Yoga Basics at 9:45am on Tuesdays and Level 2 at 4:15pm on Sundays.

West Asheville Yoga and Namaste offer all of their classes on a sliding scale basis. WAY classes range from $6-11 for one hour classes and $9-14 for 1.5 hour classes. Namaste classes range from $7-12 for one hour classes and $10-15 for 1.5 hour classes. Pay what you can within that range, you decide where you fall on the scale.

If you aren't local, check to see if any of your local studios offer sliding scale or community priced classes.

Love offering classes

There are a few classes around town offered on a donation basis. There is one at Namaste on Saturday afternoons and one at Firestorm cafe on Sunday mornings. Contact those places for more details and ask around, I'm sure there are more that I don't know about.

YMCA

The YMCA offers financial aid to help pay for their memberships. You do not need to make less than a specific amount of money, just fill out an application and tell them what your circumstances are and why you think you need assistance. I know of several people who get unlimited yoga classes at the Y for less than the cost of two drop-in studio classes per month.

Community College

Anyone can take classes at AB Tech (the local community college here in Asheville), you do not have to be enrolled in a program. The yoga classes meet twice a week for four months and only cost $42 for the whole semester. That means you are paying only slightly more than $1 per class! This is possible because the classes are subsidized by the state. Thank you taxpayers of North Carolina! If you live elsewhere, check with your local community college to see if they offer yoga.

Home Practice

Use this seeming hardship and turn it into a blessing by finally starting that home practice like you've been meaning to for years. Start small and work your way up. Yes, it's ok to use dvds. Whatever gets you on your mat is perfect. Yogatoday.com offers a variety of different level classes to stream from your computer for free. They rotate daily and have three different instructors, so there is something for almost everyone.

Practice with friends

If you have a hard time practicing on your own, make a yoga date with a friend. You can get together and do a video, take turns leading, or just do your own thing together. Beware of the tendency to chat and forget about your practice. If you find yourself falling into this habit, try to make the first half hour be silent and then see what happens.

Do you have any ideas for practicing yoga on a budget that I missed? Comment on this post below.

Transformation

This this time of year when summer turns to fall, the whole world seems turned on its head by the beginning of school. This is especially true if you have children, but it seems that few people escape the winds of change at this time of year. I notice a marked decline in the attendance at my beginner classes, while my more advanced classes tend to remain steady. I think that this is because beginners are more easily thrown off course, while those who have been practicing for a longer time are more able weather the changes in their lives without letting it affect their practice.

While the universe changes around us, and we attempt to remain anchored in the part of ourselves that does not change, there is also the possibility for consciously changing the habits and patterns that unconsciously govern our lives. Whenever we behave in an unconscious manner, we are creating and deepening neural pathways in our brain, literally conditioning ourselves to continue this behavior.

In yoga philosophy, these pathways are called samskaras. Samskaras are described as grooves, or patterns on your soul and they are thought to travel with us from one life to the next. Often they are thought of as negative, because almost any habit can lead to imbalance. I believe however, that we can have positive samskaras as well, pathways that lead to our greatest joys and passions.

In order to alter negative samskaras, we must first become aware of them. What are the habits that drag you down? Smoking? Complaining? Criticizing? Self-doubt?

Once we are aware of our habits, we often keep doing them, berating ourselves all the while. In order to create the transformation we desire, we must forgive ourselves for the past. Then we need to ask ourselves how deeply we desire this transformation. Without a deep desire for change, we will continue down the same pathways over and over until a crisis propels us forward. Then it is time to ask for help. Most addicts who overcome their deep samskaras to numb their pain with drugs do not do it alone. They come together as a group to hold each other accountable, remind each other where they have been, and support each other through the fire of transformation.

While in the process of shedding our destructive habits, it is essential to consciously create positive habits to replace them. Otherwise, one destructive habit may be replaced by another destructive habit. A meditation practice is probably the most positive habit you can aquire since mediation is considered to be the most effective tool available for smoothing away samskaras.

The more deeply ingrained a samskara is, the longer it will take to create transformation. There may be times when you feel that despite your best effort, nothing is happening, or you may even feel like you are going backwayds. Relapses are an inevitable part of the process of change. At these times, it is doubly important to renew your commitment to change. Make a point of doing something that nourishes you, such as spending time in nature or playing with children. If you step back and look on your journey from a neutral perspective, you will see how far you have come. Do not rush this journey, take it one step at a time. There may be some samskaras that require a lifetime (or more!) of effort to erase.

Challenge: Set aside 5-10 minutes per day for meditation. Choose a time when you are most likely to follow through. For example, if you are not a morning person, do not commit to the morning. If you are not able to meditate at your designated time, do it at a different time -- you could even go into the bathroom for 5 minutes at work and meditate in the toilet stall if all else fails. Take a sacred vow to meditate every day for the month of September. Tell someone else about your promise and ask them to hold you accountable.

Begin by setting an intention. It helps to remind yourself each time you meditate why you are meditating. Begin with just one habit or samskara that you would like to change.

Asana and pranayama are both excellent preparations for meditation. Most of you reading this already practice asana, any many do pranayama as well. If you have time for some asana before meditation, it will serve you well.

Whether or not you do asana first, take 10 gentle ujaii breaths before you meditate (this should take about 2 minutes). Then set a timer for 3-8 (or more) minutes. When the timer goes off, you can choose to stop, or of course continue your meditation. The timer keeps you from wondering how long it has been and helps you keep your mind on your meditation.

If you are new to meditation, choose a meditation with a focus (saguna) rather than a formless meditation (nirguna). Your focus can be an image, sound, or word.

A variation of Natarajasana (the dancer)
symbolizing transformation

Pictures!

Here are some photos taken of Ciel and I for the Asheville Yoga Center Teacher of the Month feature.

You can read the write-up in this month's AYC newsletter.

Bendy Girl

Hanumanasana

Backbend Kisses

Flying

Handstands!

Holding Hands

Om

When it rains...

How fitting that the very week of my theme of abundance, it finally rained. And boy did it rain. For about 3 days straight. On the second day of rain, I walked my daughter to school under a sprinkling sky. The full blown rain held off until my daughter was safely inside the building, and then it opened up on me.

As I felt my clothes soak through, I realized that had it been a year ago, I probably would have been resentful for being rained on. But after so many months of watching the land around me shrivel up with lack of moisture, I felt nothing but gratitude.

Walking home in the rain, glasses fogging up, clothes wet, shoes squishing with every step, and feeling more alive than I can remember, I couldn't decide whether to laugh or to cry. So I did both.

Abundance indeed.

Abundance

The teachings of yoga tell us that at our core, we are good. Actually, we are better than good. At our core, our true nature is divine. So why do we so often feel like we are lacking some essential ingredient for happiness? One more raise, or home, or yoga pose, and then we'll be happy.

Let us begin by acknowledging that probably all who read this blog are blessed to have free time that is not spent simply on survival. Spiritual seeking is a privilege for those of us who take food, clothing, and shelter for granted. Certainly there are rare souls who find enlightenment amidst the direst of circumstances, but I am well aware that my audience is mostly one of privilege.

Even among the riches of our culture, where obesity is a greater danger to our lives than starvation, we still often feel like we are lacking. This fear of not having enough comes from looking to the outside world for our abundance, rather than the inside.

Don't get me wrong. I am not vilifying material comforts. I like my ipod, nice yoga clothes, and good food to name a few. It is the focus on these exterior things as a gateway to happiness that I believe is the root of much unhappiness and suffering.

It is my experience that most of the time that we spend a lot of time and energy wanting something, when we finally get it our satisfaction is fleeting, soon replaced by wanting something else. Exterior abundance is transitory in nature. None of it will last, all of it can be taken away in a moment.

The irony is that while our wanting of material things can never be satiated, our desire for internal connection needs only the recognition that we already have what we want. When we acknowledge our innate abundance, then things begin to fall into place. It is my experience that when we focus on all our gifts (rather than what we lack) more and more of these blessings fall into our laps. So to create more abundance in our lives, we need only to recognize all that we already have.

When we are able to make a connection to the beauty and light that resides inside each of us, it is our duty and our joy to share it with others. This richness that we have inside cannot be depleted. The more we share it with others, the more we are able to feel it within ourselves.

So next time you are feeling as if you do not have all that you need in order to be happy, give to someone else. Remember that yoga happens on the inside. Even the joys of asana are external and fleeting. Yoga is not about advanced poses (though they can be fun) It is about connecting with our true nature, and our true nature is divine. Offer a smile, or a helping hand, or a hug. Connect with another by giving of yourself. That is yoga.

Obstacles and Limitations

What do you do when, not only are the plants you planted in your garden not growing, but the weeds are growing fast and furious instead? What about those times when not only do you have to work for what you want, but it seems like life is throwing one obstacle after another in your path?

Some people deal with more obstacles and limitations in their lives than others. The amount of obstacles and limitations in one’s life does not necessarily correspond to happiness. We become happy not by having fewer obstacles, but by our attitude towards them. If we never had obstacles in our lives, chances are good that very little growth would happen at all. However, there are many people who have tons of obstacles and still grow very little. So how can we take the obstacles in our lives and use them as a springboard for growth rather than allowing them to weigh us down?

In order to use our obstacles for growth, we must shift our perspective about the obstacles. We do this by first stepping back, and viewing the obstacles from a neutral place rather than a place of drama. This space around the obstacle allows us to see it in perspective. To see that we are separate from our limitations and that they do not define us. Then we can begin looking for the other good in our lives. We notice that although there are many large weeds in our garden, there are also some flowers. Then we begin to notice the beauty in the weeds themselves.

It is much easier to see the benefits that obstacles in our past have given us. It is much more difficult to see the beauty and the gifts in our current obstacles. However, the practice of opening to the good in what we perceive as obstacles in one of the most powerful tools available for melting the obstacles away. When we let go of resentment towards our limitations, we make space for gratitude. This gratitude is fertile ground for our obstacles to inspire growth and positive transformation.

In our lives there are many choices. In yoga, we try to make the choices that are shri or life-enhancing. The choice to use obstacles as a springboard for growth rather than as an excuse to be miserable is one of those choices. Be sure to remind me of that next time I complain...

Try this meditation to dissolve obstacles:
Sit comfortably on a chair or on the ground. It is helpful to have a wall or chair back to support your spine as being uncomfortable doesn't actually assist your meditation at all. You may also lay on your back, perhaps with a bolster under your spine or under your knees.

Begin by choosing a perceived obstacle or limitation in your life to focus on. It can be something you have been struggling with for a while, or something that is current to the moment. As you think of this obstacle in your life, notice what feelings and thoughts come up around it without judging. Take a few deep slow breaths and allow yourself to feel these feelings without trying to change or judge them.

Now, take a step back from this situation in your mind. Try to view it from a distance, as an observer rather than a participant. Notice that you are separate from this situation, notice that it does not define who you are. Anytime that you feel yourself getting emotionally involved, take a breath and imagine yourself stepping farther away from the situation, removing yourself for the time being. Allow the feelings of resentment, want, deprivation, betrayal, etc to fall away.

When you are able to feel neutral towards the situation and observe it with interest rather than resentment, open yourself up to the idea of gratitude for the situation. If the moment you do that, the negative emotions rush back in, go back to the previous step and try again. At first you may be able to feel only the faintest twinge of gratitude. As you practice, you may be able to feel it more and more strongly. If you are having a hard time connecting to the feeling of gratitude, you may repeat silently to yourself something like "thank you [god, universe, higher power, whatever] for [insert situation]. Thank you for this challenge. Thank you for this opportunity to grow."

Continue with this practice of gratitude as long as you want to or have time for. You can do this every day or even several times a day during challenging times. When you are practicing frequently, you will be able to go through all these steps almost instantly anywhere anytime. Leave a comment and let me know what your experience is with this meditation.